I seem to start every single blog in the same way.."It's been a while"..but it always rings true because I am always taking forever to put up a new blog.
Things I have realized this past..what, 2 weeks?
- I gossip far too much. My mouth, which had always been in full on talkative mode has apparently gone into overdrive..Let's see..I could blame it on:
1. Living with 5 other girls (Hello?!?)
2. Living in the middle of nowhere which equals nothing else to do
3. I don't have a number three right now. I haven't thought that much about it.
But, what I have thought about is the fact that I am doing it far too much, and it is awful of me. It makes me hate who I have become since I've moved here. This person isn't me. It isn't who I was before college..and it isn't who I am going to be anymore. No matter how many reasons I put up there about why I am doing it..none of them justify it. I can only blame myself.
Last year was the year of.."smile and nod". I let everything roll off of my back and was just kind of like.."whatever". It worked for me. I was very un-stressed and..I like/liked that person. I need to stroll back into that.
I'm glad this realization has hit me..and I didn't need someone to tell me for it to make me realize. I did it on my own. Self realizations FTW!
Other things I have realized...
- Studying is, infact, NOT overrated. I need to study more, procrastinate less. Lets be frank here, my grades are not where I want them to be. I am not doing bad, but it is not where I KNOW I could have them. Lets put out my reasoning for having grades which aren't exactly superior:
1. It is the first quarter..I am adjusting to new people, surroundings, and life in general.
2. My classes really are just that hard.
3. Once again. I don't have a three. (this really isn't helping my case at all)
All of these reasons SUCK. Hardcore. I am being lazy. Oversleeping (Well, that is one class. Sociology). Just plain..procrastinating. Ohhh the power of procrastination..what can I say..it pays off in the now..lol
But really. I am sucking it up. I need to do better. I expect more of myself and I have been completely tossing that aside and doing everything but what I need to be doing..and I am justifying it by just telling myself the two reasons above. Which..are crap.
- "Alex, I'd like a major in "I don't know" for $500, please."
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO IN LIFE. Please, someone help me. I am lost. Let's start this whole numbered reasoning thing again, but instead..I'll go by the majors I have possibly looked into:
1. Art/Photography. This was the absolute original and intended major. Then I started to think about it..hmm..what can I do with this? can I make money? is it a good idea for my future, job wise? This major makes everything a little cloudy. Unless I wanted to go for a B.F.A, instead of a general B.A, and then shell out another zillion dollars for grad school to get my M.F.A..all of this to become an art teacher/professor. I can't see myself as a professor. Art professors are whacky. Mine wears skirts..and cowboy hats..and bob-the-builder-like overalls to class with cowboy boots. He is weird, okay? That is not me! I am not weird..in his sense, anyway.
2. Athletic Training. Ahhh..I was in love with the idea of majoring in this. Sports, plus training/medical stuff added in..I was just about to ask the major to marry me. Match made in heaven. That is..until I started to read the fine print. I knew that the major was INCREDIBLY hard to even get into. I needed to beat about 69 other people to be in that group of 20 out of about 70 people who get accepted to the major after the strenuous prereq's are completed. I thought I was up for the task..then I took a week of Chemistry. SCREW THIS. It then dawned on me how awful I was at chemistry and math..and then I realized that I needed at least two higher level chem classes along with a higher math (kill me now, k?)..that was the topping on the cake. I was done. buh bye. Sure, you can say, "Oh case, you can do it..just study a lot, and put your mind to it..you'll be fine". No guys, that is just not possible. I cannot do chem. I cannot do higher math. 4 years of high school and 35 college credit classes has made this abundantly clear to me. I do not need a rejection letter from The Ohio State University's Allied Medical College to confirm this fact anymore than it already has been. k, thanks.
3. I just don't know. My mind wanders from..Sociology..to..Communications. I hate the fact that I would need to take stats and two full years of a foreign language for communications..but you know what, I need to deal. It is college. I am going to have to take classes I don't wanna take..and I am okay with that..but before I put myself through the hell of sadistics or franca's, or even espana again..I want to make sure that I am doing it for a reason..because my major requires it.
So right now. I am a floating duck. I am 'exploring' my options..I don't like exploring much. Too many risks. I don't want to stick with this exploration crap because the sooner I know what I want to do..the sooner I get to graduate. I could be taking classes my major doesn't even need right now! I am wasting time AND money by not knowing what I want to do..so, anybody have any suggestions? I only wish I could major in 'I don't know'. Who is up for creating a college like the one depicted in 'accepted'?
In other news:
- I am going home for Thanksgiving! At first I was just going to stay and come up to Toledo and spend it with my dad and stuff..but then I realized they really don't do much for the holiday up here..and..I just really will miss home on Thanksgiving. I have never spent it away from home and it is just tradition to have us all together. I will be home from the 20th through the 27th. Monday to Monday. I will be flying into Atlanta and then my mom and I, and possibly brad, will be driving down to Pensacola, I assume.
- We are going to Dallas for Christmas! Christopher invited us..I am so stoked. Mom is flying up here on the 9th..she is going to drive back down with me...we will probably go to Atlanta..then Pensacola..and then closer to Christmas, we will head to Dallas. I don't know the exact schedule right now, though. After Christmas, we will drive back again to Pensacola/Atlanta..and then mom will drive back up with me to Ohio, and then fly back down again. I am really glad she is driving with me both ways..it makes the trip so much faster. This way, we don't have to stop at all. She drives, I sleep..I drive, She sleeps. One day trip.
mmkay, off for the night.
--case
1 comment:
i feel you on the procrastination thing. it hasn't really come back to bite me in the ass yet, though, so i keep doing it. like this written exam that entails about 10 pages or so of writing that i've had for three weeks that is due next friday that i most likely won't start on until next wednesday. perfect example. but it's always better to get yourself to where you know you can be. your standards are more important than anyone else's.
about the major thing... choose something that you love. it's what you're going to do with the rest of your life, and that is a LONG, LONG time. if you're not passionate about it, it's not worth doing. personally, i think you should go for the photography major. you won't hate your life while you're working on it, and i'm sure you can find something to do with it. just look at all of the things in the world that are based on photographs (ads, cards, postcards, calendars, etc). someone has to take all of those pictures, and that someone could be you. i'd talk to an art professor about what jobs you could potentially get and then try to contact someone else in the field and ask them about their experiences (how they got the job, how they like it, what's the pay like, etc.).
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